We all are Actors

You think you're leaving your life the way you want it? It's funny to think so. This is just an entire play, and you are nothing more but just an actor, playing the role that was given to you. You're doing things that were written in the play by someone else, not you. You're meeting other people, because you have to, because they are playing their written role too.  It's a big stage, with millions of actors playing their roles, all of them are so different and yet so alike. And the others are just seating in front of the stage and watching you, cause they got a chance to have the ticket. They will enjoy the performance and leave, but you will stay on the stage, with the rest of the actors. It's always like that, the same story keeps going. Things happen, but nothing changes. And after all what is left is the empty stage, with actors behind the curtains, who hear the applause coming from the audience and don't even realize that the play was their own life. And when the curtain comes down all of the actors have to leave, leaving their place for the new ones coming after them. And it begins all over  again, the same stage, the same story, but just with different actors. Who am I? You wanna know who i am in this entire story? I'm the dreamer, i come and i leave as all of them do. But i don't play, i don't act, i live... and eventually die, leaving my place for the next dreamer that hopefully will come...

                                                                                                                             © LiLit Ghazaryan

No more wheelchair... I Can Walk

He used to tell that there's no magic in the world. he didn't believe in fairy-tales and was expecting the same from you. He said the same before leaving, said and left. The door closed, leaving him in the past, and you had nothing to do but cry.
-There's no magic... That's what he kept saying and he left because there's was no magic and you still were on the wheelchair. Was he afraid of something? It was weird for him that his loved one would be different then himself. But is it a difference?
 No, he was just stupid. You've lost something that almost all the people have: the ability to walk, but he lost you, someone original and unique. If he was smart enough he could become the only man in the whole world to have such happiness like you.
There's no magic...
You wake up like every usual day, you just want to go down the stairs. But he's not there to help. You're frightened of the thought that you're alone. The spring wind whispers in your ear "There's no magic" and it scares you even more. You're scared, but you're still going forward, you're going because you don't want to feel like you need him. You pass the first stair, but the other fourteen are still staring at you and their look frightens you even more.

The Street Lamp

 Now, i'm a lamp. So let me tell you my story. It was a cold winter, i was standing in my place as usually , because, let's face the truth, even if i wanted to i didn't have a single chance to go somewhere else. It's sad that lamps can't walk, sometimes it's even boring to stay at the same place, all the time. In winters it gets even worse, people prefer to stay at their warm houses and there's no one around to look after, admire or just listen to the strangers' conversations. In summers it's more interesting. There are people everywhere, many tourists come to our small city.
One year i even managed to learn some French words from the french couple, who liked to walk in the park every evening, then they used to come and sit on the seat near me. But eventually they also left, leaving me the knowledge of those couple of French words that i can't even use. Why don't the other lamps speak French? We could at least have something interesting to do in that case. But no, they prefer to sleep all day long, instead of examining those people walking across the street. Oh well, let them sleep.

Save Me From Yourself

It's painful. Your love kills me slowly. My heart starts beating faster when you look at me, i loose the control when i feel your touch, and i'm scared that one day my heart won't be strong any longer to carry your love, it's so heavy. I try to run away, but i'm lost in your thoughts, thoughts about me and about us. Lost in your mind i see my reflection everywhere and it drives me crazy. Why do you do this to me? Why do you kill me so cruelly and yet so softly? I close my eyes in on order not to see you anymore, but your image is the only thing that passes through my head. You're everywhere, in my dreams, in my illusions, in my reality that is created by myself. I'm strong till the moment i see you, i'm on my own until you hold my hand and i'm sure i can survive without you before the very second i think of you. I don't know when i'm being more myself, when i'm with you or when i'm on my own? 

Even when you make me cry, i still long to see your smile, which warms my soul and puts a smile on my own face. And even when you hurt me i don't find confession anywhere else but next to you. It hurts, but i still move on, i never look back, i never regret. I fight against myself and my feelings. Sometimes i want to just through away the heart that is beating inside me so wildly, beating just for you. I didn't know loving would be so hard, i couldn't imagine that keeping that love would be even harder. I get weaker every day, keeping the love inside me as a substitute for the strength i had before. 

You love for yourself,

 I love for you 

And that love is taking all i have.

Please, save me from yourself...

                                                                                                                             © LiLit Ghazaryan

again without you...

No, i'm not crying, i promise i'll do my best to hold those tears back. I'm not sad, i'll force myself to smile if you promise that you will smile with me. I'll do everything to prove you that i'm feeling ok, just don't worry about me. I'll be fine. It's pretty hard, but i'm strong, i'll survive. It's taking longer then it should, but i don't care about the time, i'm patient, i'll wait. I'll wait as much as we need to, because i'm sure that after all it will be worth it. It's cold here without you, but i'll try to find a sunshine to keep me warm and send the half of it to you. And when you ask me if i'm ok, i'll say that  i'm happy, i'll pretend that time and distance don't bother me, cause i know that sometimes you do the same. I can see the sadness in your eyes even when you smile, trying not to worry me, i can feel it in your voice, even when you laugh. And the fact that your doing everything to make me happy makes me love you even more. Your care, that's the power that makes me stronger.
 ... it gets harder every day, but i wake up every morning and the first thing that comes to my mind is You, and that's when i know that i'll be strong enough to survive that day too, again without you...

   

The Moment of Weakness

I'm just stuck here in this empty room and the smoke of my cigarette is the only thing left inside these walls. No need to look at me like that, i'll go back to being a normal, organized, well-dressed girl tomorrow, but let me be this way today. No need to judge me, i'll do it myself, just not today. I'll sit on the stairs, smoke this cigarette, then maybe another one, i'll cry just a little and let the tears ruin my make-up. I will stop caring about anything just for a while, will forget about my plans and all the upcoming days. I'll be sad for a while, for me, for you and for all those people who need it. I'll try to kill my weakness in this pack of cigarettes, then i'll let the smoke take away all the sadness with him. I will go back to being the girl you know, i don't have any other choice and even if i had, i wouldn't use it, but today let me live with this moment for a while. I'll leave those tears on the stairs and wake up with smile again. I'll go back to being myself. I will get stronger after this moment of weakness...

                                                                                                                             © LiLit Ghazaryan