Dried Poppy Flowers: December 2011

The Tale Of The Old Chair

The old chair was the only thing that was left as a reminder of that old story ...
The old wooden chair was standing in the middle of the room and staring at me. It felt like it will start to talk in a second. The simple chair seemed so alive, so true. It felt like there was a soul inside that piece of wood. It was scary at first, but then I got used to that feeling. I brought another chair and set next to him, yes him, cause that chair was too alive to be called it. I was looking at the chair and trying to see inside him. I was wondering what that chair was hiding, what has he seen, what stories would he tell if he was able to talk...

For those who are in that "All I want for Christmas is You" mood...

And here we are again.... another Christmas holiday came and it happened so fast again. Christmas tree, lights, gifts, decorations, laughter and joy... but all that holiday joy looses the meaning without the one who was supposed to be there, next to you.

All those Christmas lights loose their colours when you feel that someone important is missing.
You look at people around you, look at their happy faces and wish you were as happy as they are, wish you didn't have to pretend that everything is the way you wanted it to be. Being away from the one you love is not easy and it gets even harder during the holidays.

Love is like Coffee

Love... we come across this word almost everyday, in movies, books, among the people around us. We all long for love, wait for that feeling to knock our door someday.

What is love after all? There are thousands of answers, quotations and ideas about this question. You can find many books describing or discovering love. Most of us don't know what it is, but we still wait for it, keep on saying that love is all we need.

"Falling in love", this expression itself shows that love comes when you don't expect it at all, most of us believe that love just happens and we can never control it. Haven't you ever thought that love might be just a decision? What if there's nothing unexpected or uncontrollable about love?

the Lover of the Darkness

Hello me dear, it's me again, the Darkness...
Yes, i'm here again, in this late afternoon, because this is the only place where there's someone waiting for me. Did you ever wonder where does the Darkness go when the sun rises? Did you ever think what happens to me when the Light appears on my way? I will tell you what I do, I come here to be with you. I come to you because this is where I feel comfortable, this is the place where I can hide till the night comes again.

People... some of them like me, trying to find some compassion, but the only reason they like me is that they are trying to get lost in the Dark to be away from everything. I don't like that, because those people don't understand me and don't see who I really am.

The others are afraid of me, without understanding that it's not the darkness that scares them, but the idea that they don't see or know what's gonna happen, what is in front of them. I don't understand them. Do they see the future? Then why aren't they afraid of it? Can they see what's in the next room or what does the next coming minute hide? But the only thing they are scared of is me. Tell me, am I that scary? Did you fall in love with the scary one?

Oh my dear, you have no idea how hard it is to be strong all the time, but at the same time you can never imagine how lucky I am to have a place where I can be weak, to have a person who will take care of me before the sunshine takes my strength. The only fact of having you makes me stronger, makes me more confident. I loose my darkness and I come to you again to get back to whoever I was the other night. Your love gives me power to fight against the day, to be that late evening which slowly will turn into the night.
You're always there, but nobody knows the one who has created me, the Darkness.

It's getting late my dear, I should go, but there's no need to miss me, I'll be back very soon to be your one and only Darkness again...
© LiLit Ghazaryan

My Weakest Point

Our weakest points are our feelings, they can destroy even the strongest person in the world. Now I guess it's my turn to fight. I'm standing here against my own feelings that look at me with their kindest look, but I know their plan, I know what they really want from me.

A part of me is fighting against myself, trying to destroy all that i've created during these last couple of years. It's not you I'm complaining about, it's not you who went wrong, it' my own personality arguing with my character. I'm lost among those multiple illusions of myself and I don't even remember what was it that I really wanted. It's not you I blame, it just makes more sense to blame you then myself, I guess.
I do try to hide all those emotions somewhere far, in order not to be able to find them myself, but time to time they appear again and during couple of seconds bring me down to the same level where they had left me. I get up again, torturing myself, I still go up the stairs, the same stairs all over again, knowing exactly what's gonna happen before I reach the top.
My poor tears, they are so weak to change anything. I don't even cry anymore, I lost the great ability to able to cry and let the tears wash away everything...
Strength, that's what I'm longing for, that's what I need most of all, but my feelings are the only ones that control myself. I keep loosing my strength. My own feelings make me weaker. And my weakest point is You...
© LiLit Ghazaryan

Wanna receive my letters? Be a stranger to me...

Hello dear friend...

Why is it easier to talk to someone you don't know, someone you will never meet or hear about? "Hello dear friend...", I start another letter to you, to someone who doesn't know me and doesn't want to, to a person who doesn't judge, doesn't gossip or talk back . And I write another letter to the one I've never met, telling him the deepest secrets of my soul with the hope that he will read them. I don't even wait for a reply or support. There's no need to try to understand me, just read all those lines that I would probably never dare to write if we knew each other.
Why do I call you a friend if I don't even know you? Maybe just because I want you to be one, even if not in the reality that we live in, but somewhere far away I want to have a friend like you.

Would I ever think about meeting you? No, i wanna keep our friendship the way it is. I wanna be a stranger to you, the one who will walk by you and you won't even think that the girl walking down the same street as you do is the one who trusts you so much, who opens up her heart in front of you without looking into your eyes. I want you to be the random guy whom I will never meet, but who will always have it's own plays in my heart and my memories. If we loose each other one day I want to never be able to find you again. I don't need your address and won't give you my phone number, I don't care in which city you live. If we loose each other I won't try to find you again and I truly hope that you will do the same.
Who are you? I don't care. I've created your image for myself already, the way I wanted you to be and if you appear to be different from what I've imagined, it will disappoint me and nothing more. That's why I won't ask questions, I will create you myself. No, you're not perfect either, cause I never liked to have an ideal image of people I wish were next to me. You have your bad sides, you're funny sometimes, sometimes serious, you're different and all your changes depend on my mood. If I wanna laugh you'll be funny that day. If I want to cry, you'll be supportive, you'll be the shoulder I will cry on. If tomorrow I want to argue, to yell at someone then you will be the worst person I ever knew.
Who are you? The part of my own personality that i'm scared to look at? No, I don't control you, you're not a part of me, never were and never will be. You are just the receiver of all those letters that I would throw away after finishing them. You are who you are. You are a friend, you're the stranger I trust the most...

© LiLit Ghazaryan

I want to be a Wind...

I want to be a gentle wind... Fly high above the streets, go inside each window and play with kids.

I want to take the autumn leaves and take them high above the sky, dance with them on the clouds.

I want to fly with the birds, get closer to the Moon and find my star in the dark midnight sky.

I wanna be a gentle wind and die on your lips.

I want to be a wind, free from everything and everyone, able to go wherever I want, whenever I want. I want to be a softest breeze, to whisper in your ear, to play with your hair and run away as softly as i came. And if you try to keep me next to you, you won't be able to catch me, you can keep me only in your memories, remembering my touch, my voice... You can't even hold a picture of me, cause the wind is invisible. You would never be able to see me, that's why for you I would be the most beautiful Wind in the world. You can call me whenever you need me, but I can't promise that I will come each time you call me. The Wind is free, she does whatever she wants, goes wherever her heart leads her to. You will have to work hard to be able to control her heart, but don't forget that she's not a bird to be kept in a cage. . .

The Wind... She's the one who makes kids laugh, she's the one who makes people cry, whispering the old memories in their ears. She can be soft and gentle like a small butterfly, but she can also become the strongest destroyer and nobody ever can guess her mood. You should expect her everywhere, every second.

Waiting for the Call...

The room was empty, she was siting in the sofa, with her thoughts somewhere far away from that room. The phone was right next to her. She was staring at it, waiting for the call. She was waiting for an hour already, waiting for something that might never happen. She got mad at herself for being so silly and childish, but still, she couldn't help it. The clock on the wall was so loud, each minute passing seemed like a long hour...
When you're waiting for something it seems like the time is not moving, you feel like you're frozen just like everything around you. Her own thoughts filled the room, she could see them everywhere, her own voice was talking to her, trying to comfort the girl then getting mad at her. She was trying to do something to make the thoughts go away, but she couldn't even move, she still was staring at the phone...

Guys you have no idea how the simple call can totally make a girl's day...
Just Call Her.

© LiLit Ghazaryan